Building Resilience in Young Children

Resilience isn’t a trait some children are born with and others lack. It’s a set of skills, a kind of emotional muscle that grows through practice. As a child and adolescent psychologist, I often tell parents that your goal isn’t to pave a smooth, obstacle-free path for your children. It’s to equip them with the tools to navigate the bumps, detours, setbacks, and occasional potholes they will inevitably face.

Think of resilience as the ability to bend without breaking, to feel big feelings without being overwhelmed by them, and to try again after a setback. Sometimes called ‘Bouncebackability’, here’s how you can nurture it in your child, starting today.

1. Be a harbour, not a helicopter

Security is the foundation of resilience. Children need to know, without a doubt, that they are loved unconditionally especially when they are struggling with something. This secure base allows them to venture out and take healthy risks. Be present, offer comfort, but resist the urge to swoop in and solve every problem. Maybe instead of saying, “Here, let me do it,” try, “I’m here with you. How do you think we could handle this?”

2. Name it (the emotion) to Tame it

Help your child build their emotional vocabulary. “You look really frustrated that your sister knocked the Lego the tower you had built.” “It’s okay to feel sad that the playdate ended.” Validating their feelings (“That is disappointing”) teaches them that emotions are normal, manageable visitors, not permanent, scary states. This is the core of emotional regulation.

3. Reframe Failure as a Growth Opportunity

When a puzzle piece doesn’t fit or a friend says something unkind, frame it as a learning moment, not a catastrophe. “What could we try differently?” or “That was hard. What did you learn from that?” This builds a growth mindset, he belief that abilities can develop through effort. Praise the process (“You worked so hard on that!”) not the outcome (“You’re so smart!”).

4. Model Resilient Thinking

They are watching you! When you spill the coffee, narrate your coping: “Oh no! Well, that’s frustrating. Let me take a breath and clean it up.” Show them that adults too have setbacks, feel emotions, and use strategies to bounce back. Your calm in the storm is their most powerful tutorial.

5. Encourage “The Try”

Resilience is built in small, everyday moments. Encourage them to try the new food, to say hello at the playground, to pour their own milk (even if it spills). The message is: “You are capable.” Start with challenges they can manage with some effort, and celebrate the courage to try, regardless of the result.

6. The Takeaway

Building resilience gives lifelong benefit and starts in infancy. It isn’t about preventing them from falling; it’s about teaching them how to get back up. It’s the quiet work of showing up with empathy while gently encouraging them to face their world with courage. You are not failing them by letting them struggle a little or have a setback, you are giving them the greatest gift: the unshakeable belief that they can handle hard things, with you in their corner.